You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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