Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
