wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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