saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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