I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
