Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
