cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I deserve this hangover.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
