Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
