He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
