I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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