bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
