He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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