Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
