the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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