a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
