I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
