so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize