forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize