after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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