it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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