i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize