singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
