wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
