There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
