it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
