I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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