I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
