I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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