she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
