I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
