I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
