The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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