Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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