christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How does one acquire holy water?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
