Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
