I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
