I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
