Please, let me fuck your mom
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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