I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
