My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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