Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Houston, we have a blender
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
