eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
