I got chris browned last night
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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