you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
