How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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