How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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