nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You ruined the universe
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
