1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
