Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
