so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
