Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
where are my eyebrows?
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