That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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