He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We got so high we made milksteak
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
