Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
