So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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