Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
