So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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