Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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