i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
