Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
