Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
