Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
