I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
two words: eviction party
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
