Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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