I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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