Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
