A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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