Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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