He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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