HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Two words: nipple clamps
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