god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize