Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
